


wipe the white golden dust into these broken hands

by Buttercup_ghost



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death Fix, Chatting & Messaging, Depression, Everybody Lives, F/F, Fix-It, Genderfluid Character, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lesbian Character, Queerplatonic Relationships, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Texting, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Natsuki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 11:36:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15314646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttercup_ghost/pseuds/Buttercup_ghost
Summary: When natsuki opens the door, she finds something she never expects.





	wipe the white golden dust into these broken hands

Natsuki smiled a bit on her phone, glancing up from time to time to see where she was going.

She had just gotten a text, for tommorow, a address to go to—and it felt nice. It wasnt often (or ever, really) that she hung out with friends, and even if officially this was only for the club, she couldnt help her heart pounding in excitement. She'll admit, at first, she didnt like the new member much—mainly how sayori hung around him, as if tethered. In no way did she ever think they'd compliment each other; sayoris cute softness off balencing his own gruff charm. Like fluffy cotton candy next to boring bread. 

And shell admit; she was jealous. 

Really, she had no reason to be—she knew that he and her have gone back, to a time before she knew her. She knew, in her heart, that nothing really had changed, that he couldnt be stealing attention away from her if it was never hers to keep, in the first place. Still, though- theres almost a hurt, there.

Maybe it was because sayori was her first friend. Sure, monika and yuri were in the club, as well, but it was... different. They werent her friends, really—in fact, she wasnt even sure if yuri liked her at all. And she knew that despite how plesent monika was, sometimes, she still felt the need to move around her manga, unheading of the damage she caused. It wasnt the worse crime, of course, but sometimes how she handled it was off putting. Even though natsuki knew she had no ill will, and a kind heart, she still couldnt describe her as a _friend_. Maybe just.. a friend of a friend, only hanging out over associations.

Of course, maybe she was wrong. But that was just how she felt, on the matter—and the thought her sayoris attention being stolen away sent a pain through her heart. Who else would read manga with her, eat her snacks, get that adorable pouting face whenever she wouldnt hold her hand? With him here, she was unneeded, about to be thrown away like so many other times.

But thats not what happened.

Because, instead of stealing sayori away, he started to steal _her_. And it was nice; to have someone else who enjoyed manga, to talk to and smile with. Sayori was great company, but sometimes it only felt like she would read her manga to make her happy, instead of sharing and enjoying in a interest together.

And to some extent he was, too—but there was something else there, too. He enjoyed it, manga, in a way no one else she met appreciated it. It was clear in the way his eyes moved natrually across the page, taking in the details of the photos. It was less him just trying to be polite, and instead a genuine interest in it, in seeing what she saw in it. A different genera then he was used to, he was mentally taking it in. Maybe, in turn, the next series theyll read will be of his choosing. 

After a while with him, peaceful days of smiles, she started to see how sayori and him got along—similar in ways she didn't expect. A ballon and a brick; both the beautiful color red. Complementing eachother, in some ways. 

Thats not to say she wanted them together—the very thought sent a prickle of unease. Despite how she teased, it sent her gut churning to think of it. She was unsure why, though; maybe his callous treatment of her was to blame.

Natsuki knew what cruelty was; what bad people did, who bad people were. And she knew in her heart that he wasnt bad, not like that. But the sharpness in his tone made her shake, sometimes, her mind wondering to who she left at home. She heard once, that people don't realize what they have until its gone—and while it may not be a one to one situation in this case, she felt it held some merit. 

They had gotten so used to eachother being there throughout the years, that they didn't realize how much they did for eachother. 

And that, too, was something that unsettled her. Sayori smiled as she listed off all he would do for her, cooking and cleaning whenever he went over. It was something that settled in her gut; unpleasant. Their actions were couted in eachother, without even realizing it, a dose of unhealthy dysfunction mixed it. She bet he didn't even realize—how shed always come up in the coversation, how he always seemed to just assume she was at his side. Because she was.

She had even gotten him here, to the literature club, probably with a smile on her face and the promise of natsukis baking. She wanted to be more irked than she was, at the thought.

But at the same time she trusted sayori. If it bothered her, shed speak her feelings– never hesitating to do so before. Thats what she loved about her, how inviting and open shed seem, likable even in the middle of stealing her cookie. So she decided to trust in that; in her. 

And when just the friday before, he asked her what to do, she told him the same thing.

To have faith. Not in god or anything, she was unsure if such a being even existed, but in something more solid, more real. In sayori herself, her smiles and laughs and twinkling eyes. When she needs a beach, shell drive to it, after all—ask her, talk to her. She has to, right?

Natsuki wanted to be her beach. So she'd tell her, right? If she needed her, shed come to her, like she does with her. (But of course, that wasnt true, was it? Some things were too painful to share, after all, and a part of her marveled over her hypocrisy.)

But... a part of her, the part that stings, aching and low and painful, thinks that sayori would sooner go to him, than her. 

That she was worthless, in this. In maybe everything. 

But she pushed those thoughts away; refusing to believe it, the words that flow into her head, all in the voice of her fathers. That bastard is always wrong, anyways, she tells herself.

No longer in the good mood she was in, she sighed, putting her phone into her pockets.

**Author's Note:**

> I was rewatching act one and honestly.... im so emo it was so domestic i almost cried. So heres a fix it for what happens. I always was kinda mad they never had to deal with stuff—like sayoris depression, or yuris self harm... after a while it was just there for shock value, almost? And like, thats fine and all, and i know they went the more meta route after sayoris death, but i would have really preferred them instead just dealing with the fallout of sayoris death and how it affected ppl. To like... deal with it. It would have said a really potent message and show how the characters affect eachother and the impact they had on eachother, which would have been cool... but instead they went the meta horror angle, eventrually leading the game to feel like... i dont know, that it was just being used as shock value instead of an actual, introspective work on the matter. Like, if youre gonna include this thing in your game, commit to it, you know? Of course, in this fic sayori doesnt die, because i dont have the heart to kill her off... maybe ill write something with the aftermath of her death like i was wanting, later on, though. Right now i just wanna write something with a happy ending, you know?


End file.
